Corporate Test Kitchen Follies

Judging by the two hideous pizza alfredo abominations being touted in the latest Papa Johns promotional mailer, Pizza Hut’s saboteurs must have successfully infiltrated the Papa Johns corporate test kitchen. How else can one explain the existence of not one, but two alfredo sauce based pizzas among the current roster of Papa Johns’ specialty pies?

 

No, I’m not making this up. Papa Johns offers both a spinach alfredo and a chicken alfredo pizza. The Papa Johns website proclaims that the spinach alfredo pizza (with its “creamy spinach and garlic cheese sauce”) is a “real winner.” Somehow, despite it’s “creamy white alfredo sauce” base, the grilled chicken alfredo pizza receives no such designation.

 

Okay, so I investigated further and discovered that Papa Johns’ alfredo pizzas have actually been around for about three years. They issued a press release in 2003 that heralded the re-introduction of the spinach alfredo pizza and the debut of the chicken alfredo pizza. Evidentally, “creamy white alfredo sauce” based pizzas have a much wider and far more vocal constituency among the pizza scarfing public than I ever could have imagined.

 

Interestingly enough, I conducted an extremely cursory and unscientific survey of consumer mentions (i.e. poked around through Google for a few minutes) and found that women mentioned enjoying the spinach alfredo pizza far more than men. I guess the dudes are content with grubbing on the potentially vomitous meatfest that is the Steak Fanatic from Domino’s, leaving the chicks clamoring for daintier fare.

 

Take for instance this testimonial that Google coughed up from Fattiesaurus Rex on MySpace (edited down for clarity):

 

I'm being a complete fat ass and eating almost an entire box of spinach alfredo pizza from Papa Johns. I even had to go back out to the soda machine to get another coke. Ahhhh....the joys of being a skinny bitch . . . Well I'm going to hunt down some more "Special Garlic Sauce" and continue feeding myself. . . *BURP*

 

Now that creamy white alfredo sauce based pizzas have found sufficient support in the marketplace, what’s next? How about a layer of sweet, creamery butter right under the cheese? Hell yeah, bring it.

-AC